31 Sunday Aug 2008
Posted in Randomness
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31 Sunday Aug 2008
Posted in School
For two years the doctors had me doped up on anti-depressants and other mess as they labeled me as Bi-Polar. I was like a zombie, only felt numb or slight joy. I may have a few anxiety issues, but I’m definitely NOT Bi-Polar. I quit taking those meds a few months back and have never felt better. Hell, I got out of a dead end relationship & even dropped 4olbs!
I woke up this morning with a pit in my stomach. It’s official, I feel life.
I’m feeling the frustration of unemployment. Absolutely NOTHING has gone right during this lengthy job search. I’m no good at phone interviews, apparently suck at drug tests (see previous post), and simply don’t have enough gas to drive out to the “good” jobs.
I feel betrayed. First by my father who forced me into buying a house just so he could get his investment out plus an extra $40,000. Next by the so-called friend who moved in and robbed me blind. Lastly, by the mortgage company who agreed to lower my interest rate and payment, but later said the conversation (which I have documented) never happened, and raised the payment. This new spike caused my unemployed n struggling ass to loose the house. It’s being auctioned off next month. At least I’m in good company with the rest of America.
I feel lost in life and love. Am I really supposed to be in Kansas City right now? It has been made available for me to go after love while becoming financially stable in Atlanta…is that what I’m supposed to do? Are their better job opportunities for me in Atlanta? I’m so confused.
Sounds odd, but I’m actually grateful for these feelings. It shows that I’m getting back to normal. Instead of getting down, I just look towards the future. This situation is only temporary. By May I will be in Atlanta, in late August I will be starting school at Clark Atlanta University. Just gotta keep pushing towards that goal. I gotta keep my head up because I have no choice. Push or Die!
30 Saturday Aug 2008
Posted in Life
Ok, so it’s been 3yrs since Hurricane Katrina drowned New Orleans. Where are we? This tragedy exposed our country for what it was: The good, bad & ugly….(mostly the ugly). After 3yrs have we grown as a nation? I would say, not much.
The majority of the citizens are still displaced.
The levees still aren’t 100% repaired.
Bush never acknowledged any fault of his own. (I could be wrong, but I sure didn’t hear about it)
Hurricane Gustav is coming and I personally know families who are not sure what to expect when they return home. What the hell is going on?! Is our country so primitive that we don’t see protecting our citizens here at home as a priority? Our government is spending billions of dollars on this stupid never-ending war, but can’t toss a few millions down South?
What’s funny to me (in an ironic kinda way) is, I was EXACTLY right when I predicted the future of New Orleans. I’m no fortune teller, but I have common sense. I predicted that when funds did arrive, it would go to rebuilding a bigger and better New Orleans according to republican standards. It gave the government a chance to wash away the projects, the slums, all the economically impoverished areas. The next step was to rebuild a NEW New Orleans, so ritzy its own damn citizens couldn’t afford to move back. Look around, that’s exactly what’s going on. I wouldn’t be surprised if New Orleans resembled a suburb by 2020.
It’s clear, the city is still crying. Unfortunately the New Orleans culture is dying.
Call it selfish, but i’m pissed i’ll never be able to attend a genuine Marty Gras!
Ps: The picture I posted with this post was designed (and features) my love Gregory DeCuir II. We actually met when he got washed ashore in Atlanta, GA where I was attending Clark Atlanta University. It’s a powerful picture right?!
29 Friday Aug 2008
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My dreadlocks hold power…well maybe not power exactly, but deffinantly wisdom!
The way I see it: These oh so brilliant thoughts of mine have to go somewhere. I figure they grow right through my scalp and out through my hair. My hair holds onto them for safe keeping. My thoughts make my hair resilient and strong. Since my hair is locked, none of it falls out, EVER! Meaning I get to hold onto my thoughts, making me wise. My dreadlocks are not just a flyy style that I love to rock (Cuz i’m happy to be nappy!). These locks of mine are oh so divine and they make me so very wise.
Nappy Edges: “The roots of your hair / what turns back when we sweat, run, make love, dance, get afraid, get happy: the tell-tale signs of living.” – Ntozake Shange
28 Thursday Aug 2008
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Ok so I know the title is one that may get me flagged and raise the eyebrows of a few CIA agents. Before you start thinking i’m a terrorist, let me take time and explain.
Just like the rest of the world I am following the 2008 Presidential Elections very closely. There’s finally a member of my race running! While Obama’s rise to glory has been nothing less than inspring, I can’t help but feel a tinge of fear. Fear for his life.
I’m so proud of how far our dysfunctional racist country has come from the times when it was law that you had to pass an incredibly difficult and ridiculous test just to vote (even though the constitution had already given you the right to do so). Let my grandma tell it and it was just yesterday that they killed that innocent man for nothin’ [Martin Luther King Jr.]. Finally, we as a race are approaching what could be the single most greatest accomplishment yet. We have the possibility to run this country. That’s sending an international message that we have made it! We survived slavery, We survived Jim Crow, We survived modern day discrimination like in the Jena 6 trials. We made it to that high rise apartment in the sky baby!
How far have we really come?
Just as the 2000 Elections divided the country, this may have that effect as well. Fundementally there are Democrats & Republicans. Next, there are the people who don’t see color as an issue when choosing a candidate and those that do. Lastly, there are the people who will accept a Black man as president (weither they like it, love it, or simply will tolerate it) and those that would rather die than see it ever happen. That very last category is where that nagging tinge of fear comes from.
Now that we have a Black nominee, we like to think of ourselves as liberal and evolved. The question I would like to pose is, just how evolved are we really?
Can we safely assume that every person living under the glorious Stars & Stripes has evolved? I like to think not. If that was the case then organizations such as the KKK would cease to exist. With a country as free as ours, each and every person is well within their rights to be a radical extremist if they wish. More power to you! What concerns me is, it only takes one radical extremist to shut down our rise to glory. It only takes one person with a “kamikazee” type personality to pop all of our damn bubbles.
You all know what I’m hinting at….
My blackness will not allow me not to be an Obama supporter. My christian faith advises me to pray for that man’s life, and pray even harder if he is elected to be our Commander & Chief. That’s a very brave man. Sometimes it takes the elderly to snap your evolved ass back to reality. My grandmother’s face says it all. I watched as she displayed sheer joy and elation to see a member of her race take the stage at the Democratic National Convention (DNC). She couldn’t hold in her smile. Then she asked, “Child, is that really a Black man?” I replied, it was. Her face dropped and became sullen. You could actually see her relive the moment when they “shot that innocent man down for nothin…just killed him.”
I couldn’t help but wonder, does Obama share the same fate?
